Dear Phoenix - I have lived with clinical depression since early kidhood. I could write and write here, but I will send you a big hug instead. Like Janey said, you are not alone. I’m sure that a whole lot of us walk with you. 🤗 it’s a lot of love.
Thanks for sharing so vulnerably about how tender you're feeling, friend. Everything you've described resonates deeply for me. Since the Solsticetide, I've been thinking so much about how things germinate in the dark. Babies in wombs, seeds in soil, ideas in the darkness of dreams. So the seed gift that Mimosa gave you strikes me as such a poignant reminder that now is a time of germination. Also, the deer you engaged with in the fog...such symbols of gentleness and sensitivity, protected somewhat by that fog. There's so much collective grief right now, and most of that is being held by the gentle, sensitive, deeply feeling souls, while the vast majority of folks cope via dissociation. Sending lots of love to your cave, as well as the light of solidarity.
Dear friend...I always feel seen and held by your words. You're a gift. Thank you for all the love and solidarity you send my way. I'm sending so much back to you, with hope.
I sometimes wonder if this non-feeling of blankness, way past despair, that you are describing SO well, and which many of us can recognise at least in part as resonant with ways we have felt(or not-felt) of late is akin to the phenomenon described as 'compassion-fatigue'.
We can be just worn out with caring, to the point when we literally 'don't care...
I'm worried for you...please practise some self-care strategies, even if they feel hollow to begin with.
And, believe me, you are NOT alone...I felt an immediate kinship when I first read your posts, and I know I'm not alone in that 🫂
I wonder about compassion fatigue, too, Janey... it's a real phenomenon, one I'm aware of in my own life and also think might affect me more than I know. I appreciate the genuine care and concern you offer me, so much. I feel my self care rituals have been deepened and honed through many years, though I do think I've reached a point where I'm often too fatigued to do the things I know will help. I'm trying to balance gentleness for where I'm at with nudges towards what I need... Thank you, again. Your kinship is felt, too.
Sitting beside you right here where you are, my Love. The importance of you is always present, even when you can’t feel it. You are a part of everything and everything is a part of you. You are wholeheartedly loved 🫂❤️🩹🐛🦋✨
You articulated this so beautifully, and in a way I've always wanted to, but never quite been able to. So thank you. I'm so glad that nature was able to give you such a gift today. A seed of hope when it felt most needed. Sending a hug your way 🫂
Wow, I love this. You really got the description of that emotional experience just right. And the mimosa encounter? The universe speaks sometimes, doesn’t it?
love this so deeply, how you express your thoughts and put words to experiences that resonate a lot.
I felt similar after a traumatic experience when my body & nervous system were completely stuck in survival-mode and I couldn't afford to feel. As if my body was saying: we can't allow ourself such a luxury of exploring emotions and definitely not any good feelings "lest something drastically change again, & blindside me like before" I was too afraid for the rug to be pulled from underneath me once more, so I was just "parked" in my life in an existence of checking off boxes and getting essential tasks done (and beating myself up when I didn't)
It took a lot of healing of the trauma, for me to be able to START accessing my emotions
Shifra, thank you for sharing this tiny bit of your story with me. I'm sorry you've experienced such immense trauma that your body was stuck in survival mode... It makes so much sense, even as it's devastating to be stuck there. I've heard that our bodies can only feel what we can handle. There's something about that that lifts some of the shame, I think, because our bodies are wise. But all of what you shared resonates with me, especially how feeling can seem like a luxury and not wanting to be blindsided again. It's an act of courage to allow yourself to feel what is ready to be felt. It sounds like you have journeyed so far. I hope there is gentleness and rest for you, wherever you find yourself now. I appreciate you being here.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt words of compassion and wisdom. I deeply appreciate you sharing and taking the time to write such a long mindful response and making me feel so welcome 🙏 may all the wonderful blessings you wished me come to you too and I hope your move happens in the most gentle& easeful way possible (I read and loved your post today but didn’t get a chance to comment yet)
Thank you for your words. I read your post about dancing earlier, and it sounds to me like you are open to the answers (your answers) and are following the signs. All I know for sure is that you are here for a very special reason, on purpose, to share your unique gifts and honesty, and many of us would be poorer without you.
It's time for the highly sensitive humans to speak up! Leonard Cohen wrote a song with a line that said "I've been where you're hanging; I think I can see how you're pinned. When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you've signed". I have been where you're hanging, and I wish I could have found my tribe earlier in my life. Keep writing for us, and dance every day for yourself and demand signs and then expect to see/hear them.
My favorite totem is vulture. They only have to flap their wings three times before they find the air current and soar. They remind me to quit flapping so much! Lol Much love.
My goodness, thank you for this, Nora. Especially the image of the vultures, soaring with so few wing flaps... I love vultures, and I could also stand to flap less, lol. Much love to you, too.
Thank you so much. I needed this today. I'm having a problem with involuntary eyeball movements. Unsettling, disconcerting, making me question all I take for granted. Anxiety inducing at my non- desk grocery store job... I feel the " failing at life" feeling myself. I'm anxious by nature, resistant to uncertainty, scared about seeing a specialist, scared in this perimenopausal, hormone soaked time. Life is overwhelming 😢
Oh Jennifer. That all sounds disconcerting, unsettling, overwhelming and scary. I hear you, too. Perimenopause can be a frightening time, and I have often felt betrayed by my body, left on my own to figure out what's going on and how to access the help I need in a culture that doesn't value understanding or treating female-assigned bodies. Anything added on top of this can feel like too much, so I'm deeply sorry you're dealing with this unknown with your eyes. I understand the fear of "finding out" something we may not want to know, and also, the sense of empowerment that comes when I'm finally ready to take that step. You'll know when it's time. I hope you find yourself in good hands. I'm sending you a huge hug. You're not alone.
Grateful for your voice. This post. This acknowledgement of how the darkness within can sink deep. I've felt this for a couple of years now, hard family stuff I don't need to go into. But the mimosa that brings awe, healing, delight to you is magical. For me, hawks are my Dad saying hi, tall sunflowers are friends leaning over to to share a good word, and a stone in my hand as I walk is a sweet tool of grounding me. And trees. Trees are everything. Much love and voluminous mimosas.
Oh my goodness, Mal. I feel a kindred connection with anyone for whom trees are everything. Who see loved ones and support in hawks and sunflowers and rocks. That's so special, and I'm so grateful you shared with me. So grateful this resonated. Hugging you in your own dark place 🫂
It means so much to hear this. Sometimes I wonder, is it of value to share these heavier personal things ... And then I hear echoes from others, glimpses of themselves seen in (and in between) words, and I remember, yes. It matters to tell these stories, too. Wishing you more light in this year ✨
I'm sorry you've been struggling so much, too, Alison. It can be rough navigating this world with such tender hearts, even as I suspect neither one of us would choose differently if we could. I hope we can both tend our hearts with as much gentle care and protection as we need, even if that means shutting down for awhile in order to come back more fully. There is no failure here. Thank you for the love. You are loved, too.
Dear Phoenix - I have lived with clinical depression since early kidhood. I could write and write here, but I will send you a big hug instead. Like Janey said, you are not alone. I’m sure that a whole lot of us walk with you. 🤗 it’s a lot of love.
Dear Laura - I feel the love. So much. Your hug and words of knowing speak volumes. Thank you for being.
Thanks for sharing so vulnerably about how tender you're feeling, friend. Everything you've described resonates deeply for me. Since the Solsticetide, I've been thinking so much about how things germinate in the dark. Babies in wombs, seeds in soil, ideas in the darkness of dreams. So the seed gift that Mimosa gave you strikes me as such a poignant reminder that now is a time of germination. Also, the deer you engaged with in the fog...such symbols of gentleness and sensitivity, protected somewhat by that fog. There's so much collective grief right now, and most of that is being held by the gentle, sensitive, deeply feeling souls, while the vast majority of folks cope via dissociation. Sending lots of love to your cave, as well as the light of solidarity.
Dear friend...I always feel seen and held by your words. You're a gift. Thank you for all the love and solidarity you send my way. I'm sending so much back to you, with hope.
I felt this, both the heaviness and the hope. Thank you for writing and sharing. ❤️🩹
I'm grateful to know that hope could be felt in the heaviness of these words... truly. I appreciate your words so much.
I sometimes wonder if this non-feeling of blankness, way past despair, that you are describing SO well, and which many of us can recognise at least in part as resonant with ways we have felt(or not-felt) of late is akin to the phenomenon described as 'compassion-fatigue'.
We can be just worn out with caring, to the point when we literally 'don't care...
I'm worried for you...please practise some self-care strategies, even if they feel hollow to begin with.
And, believe me, you are NOT alone...I felt an immediate kinship when I first read your posts, and I know I'm not alone in that 🫂
I wonder about compassion fatigue, too, Janey... it's a real phenomenon, one I'm aware of in my own life and also think might affect me more than I know. I appreciate the genuine care and concern you offer me, so much. I feel my self care rituals have been deepened and honed through many years, though I do think I've reached a point where I'm often too fatigued to do the things I know will help. I'm trying to balance gentleness for where I'm at with nudges towards what I need... Thank you, again. Your kinship is felt, too.
That's an interesting distinction, and it makes sense. I'll look into that. Thanks for sharing.
Sitting beside you right here where you are, my Love. The importance of you is always present, even when you can’t feel it. You are a part of everything and everything is a part of you. You are wholeheartedly loved 🫂❤️🩹🐛🦋✨
Thank you for consistently showing me what it can feel like to have someone allow me to be where I am and still be loved. I love you.
You articulated this so beautifully, and in a way I've always wanted to, but never quite been able to. So thank you. I'm so glad that nature was able to give you such a gift today. A seed of hope when it felt most needed. Sending a hug your way 🫂
It means so much to know these words illuminated something deeply felt for you. Thank you for the hug and the words of solidarity. Hugging you back.
Great socks!
Wow, I love this. You really got the description of that emotional experience just right. And the mimosa encounter? The universe speaks sometimes, doesn’t it?
Oh yes. I think the universe speaks all the time...and sometimes, we are fortunate enough to hear it. Thank you for your kind words.
love this so deeply, how you express your thoughts and put words to experiences that resonate a lot.
I felt similar after a traumatic experience when my body & nervous system were completely stuck in survival-mode and I couldn't afford to feel. As if my body was saying: we can't allow ourself such a luxury of exploring emotions and definitely not any good feelings "lest something drastically change again, & blindside me like before" I was too afraid for the rug to be pulled from underneath me once more, so I was just "parked" in my life in an existence of checking off boxes and getting essential tasks done (and beating myself up when I didn't)
It took a lot of healing of the trauma, for me to be able to START accessing my emotions
Shifra, thank you for sharing this tiny bit of your story with me. I'm sorry you've experienced such immense trauma that your body was stuck in survival mode... It makes so much sense, even as it's devastating to be stuck there. I've heard that our bodies can only feel what we can handle. There's something about that that lifts some of the shame, I think, because our bodies are wise. But all of what you shared resonates with me, especially how feeling can seem like a luxury and not wanting to be blindsided again. It's an act of courage to allow yourself to feel what is ready to be felt. It sounds like you have journeyed so far. I hope there is gentleness and rest for you, wherever you find yourself now. I appreciate you being here.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt words of compassion and wisdom. I deeply appreciate you sharing and taking the time to write such a long mindful response and making me feel so welcome 🙏 may all the wonderful blessings you wished me come to you too and I hope your move happens in the most gentle& easeful way possible (I read and loved your post today but didn’t get a chance to comment yet)
I also love how you kept that seed and looked up it's meaning and the beautiful symbolism you found. That is so heartwarming to read/hear
Thank you 🤍 Gifts from nature are especially precious.
Thank you for your words. I read your post about dancing earlier, and it sounds to me like you are open to the answers (your answers) and are following the signs. All I know for sure is that you are here for a very special reason, on purpose, to share your unique gifts and honesty, and many of us would be poorer without you.
It's time for the highly sensitive humans to speak up! Leonard Cohen wrote a song with a line that said "I've been where you're hanging; I think I can see how you're pinned. When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you've signed". I have been where you're hanging, and I wish I could have found my tribe earlier in my life. Keep writing for us, and dance every day for yourself and demand signs and then expect to see/hear them.
My favorite totem is vulture. They only have to flap their wings three times before they find the air current and soar. They remind me to quit flapping so much! Lol Much love.
My goodness, thank you for this, Nora. Especially the image of the vultures, soaring with so few wing flaps... I love vultures, and I could also stand to flap less, lol. Much love to you, too.
Thank you so much. I needed this today. I'm having a problem with involuntary eyeball movements. Unsettling, disconcerting, making me question all I take for granted. Anxiety inducing at my non- desk grocery store job... I feel the " failing at life" feeling myself. I'm anxious by nature, resistant to uncertainty, scared about seeing a specialist, scared in this perimenopausal, hormone soaked time. Life is overwhelming 😢
I hear you. I get it. We go on though...
Oh Jennifer. That all sounds disconcerting, unsettling, overwhelming and scary. I hear you, too. Perimenopause can be a frightening time, and I have often felt betrayed by my body, left on my own to figure out what's going on and how to access the help I need in a culture that doesn't value understanding or treating female-assigned bodies. Anything added on top of this can feel like too much, so I'm deeply sorry you're dealing with this unknown with your eyes. I understand the fear of "finding out" something we may not want to know, and also, the sense of empowerment that comes when I'm finally ready to take that step. You'll know when it's time. I hope you find yourself in good hands. I'm sending you a huge hug. You're not alone.
Grateful for your voice. This post. This acknowledgement of how the darkness within can sink deep. I've felt this for a couple of years now, hard family stuff I don't need to go into. But the mimosa that brings awe, healing, delight to you is magical. For me, hawks are my Dad saying hi, tall sunflowers are friends leaning over to to share a good word, and a stone in my hand as I walk is a sweet tool of grounding me. And trees. Trees are everything. Much love and voluminous mimosas.
Oh my goodness, Mal. I feel a kindred connection with anyone for whom trees are everything. Who see loved ones and support in hawks and sunflowers and rocks. That's so special, and I'm so grateful you shared with me. So grateful this resonated. Hugging you in your own dark place 🫂
From another muted cave dweller, thanks for helping us turn up our volume a bit ❤️🩹
Oh friend. I see you there. So damn grateful this helped in any way ❤️🩹
*sinned
It means so much to hear this. Sometimes I wonder, is it of value to share these heavier personal things ... And then I hear echoes from others, glimpses of themselves seen in (and in between) words, and I remember, yes. It matters to tell these stories, too. Wishing you more light in this year ✨
I'm sorry you've been struggling so much, too, Alison. It can be rough navigating this world with such tender hearts, even as I suspect neither one of us would choose differently if we could. I hope we can both tend our hearts with as much gentle care and protection as we need, even if that means shutting down for awhile in order to come back more fully. There is no failure here. Thank you for the love. You are loved, too.